spinatalltale | [WEEK 2, FRIDAY POST-INVESTIGATION: Akira]

She broke.

[. . . she isn't giving him details. she'd rather not. she might be able to talk about her past like Magillanica is nothing but a tragic character in a storybook, but the details of Melchior's illusion are too much even for her. even all these years later]

[also? "she broke" may be putting it kindly, and she knows it]

...I see.

[he knows he's not going to get an elaboration on that. and he's not going to ask. no matter how separate she tries to keep them—she is still magillanica; she still had to endure the pain that caused.

and what lingering effects it still has.]

What happened after that? [he'll gloss it over. if there's ever a time when she feels she can talk about those painful memories, he won't shy away from listening, but for now—she can go a her own pace.]

You really think someone like Melchior, an institution like the Abbey, would keep a useless, broken doll around?

[. . . that's. probably not something she should say so flippantly, and yet. she speaks of it without an ounce of emotion in her words-- no sadness, no anger, nothing]

No.

[he's no fool.]

But I know that's not really the end of the story.

[. . . she has to skimp out on the details of the next part too. because, again, she doesn't want to get into the personal parts of this story. the illusion of her family, warm and kind and accepting, so starkly contrasted to how they were in reality, and how she couldn't fight against that kindness no matter how fake she knew it was. how badly Melchior had shattered her heart the moment he had ripped away any semblance of warmth and love and family because of her failure. how she had spent months after that living as a shell of a person, barely able to care for herself, only kept alive by Bienfu's kindness]

[it's pretty pathetic, and she doesn't want him to think of her in such a way. she doesn't want anyone to think of her like that. not when that heartbroken person no longer exists]

Magillanica was excommunicated, of course. Thrown out of the Abbey after having the Mayvin name stripped from her own. She became known as "The Lost Legate" of the Abbey, the only high-ranking commander to disappear from its ranks without a trace.

And that's when I found a new master, honed my skills as a witch underneath her tutelage, and became The Magnificently Malicious Magilou! To be feared across all eleven seas!

[the dramatics are back]

And that's why we have the uncaring Mazhigigika Miludin do Din Nolurun Dou sitting next to me today.

[...]

I see.

[...]

It's an interesting story. I guess I like this Magilou better after all. [?] Even if I see a pretty big discrepancy here.

[. . . ?]

Hey, my story is perfect. No discrepancies at all!

[STOP CALLING HER OUT]

[he's not going to, though what he says is ... quiet?

like it's not really meant to call her out. a sincere observation.]

I don't think you're that broken. That you can't care. [akira?] You're protecting yourself.

[because caring could lead to heartbreak, and she doesn't want to go through whatever she suffered through the first time she broke. it isn't "she can't," but that she doesn't want to, maybe that she's afraid to.]

Edited 2017-08-20 22:41 (UTC)

[. . . ah]

[. . .]

[she continues, tone light, like he didn't just hit on some very deep truth about how she interacts with the world around her]

You know, I didn't really have any particular life goals in mind after I left the Abbey. ["I," now. now she's talking about Magilou] I didn't really care about finding any. I didn't care about the Abbey, or Melchior, or the state of the world, or anyone else living in it. I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I was just there, and whatever I did, I did because I felt like doing it. No more, no less.

[. . .]

Then, I met Velvet.

[he's already pretty sure he's right, because if she couldn't care, she wouldn't. but time and time again, she's shown edges of consideration for him. she shows it for others. she gets annoyed—

there are traces.

traces of her caring, but closing herself off to it, because—especially here—it's dangerous. it's something akira isn't capable of himself, to close off the potential for strong bonds, but it doesn't mean he can't see those signs in others.

but there's more. there's always more, isn't there? so he has to ask:]

...Velvet?

[it irritates her how close he is the truth when he's just known her for two weeks. it's why she avoids it-- doesn't confirm nor deny his assumption-- and continues with her story]

Hey. Remember when I said you reminded me of someone? That's her.

[wags a finger in his direction as she speaks]

She was the one who helped me break out of Titania. And while I couldn't have cared less about the Abbey or what it was doing to the world, she had enough hatred in her heart for the both of us. For ten of us.

[. . .]

It was interesting, I suppose. She was a foolish idiot who wanted to kill the Shepherd to satisfy a personal vendetta, even though it would mean going up against the entire world who loved him. It just so happened that I had business that lined up with hers-- [tracking down Bienfu, the TRAITOROUS BETRAITOR, but she didn't really explain to him Bienfu's involvement in anything so she glosses over it] -- so I followed her for a while. I didn't really care what happened to her, but it kept me from being bored, I guess.

[. . . . . . . . .]

But the more I followed her, the more she irritated me. Every single circumstance in the world was stacked against her. Her enemies-- the Abbey, the Shepherd, the Shepherd's Legates-- were powerful and capable of crushing her in one blow. Her chances for success were, quite frankly, less than 0%.

[. . .]

But she fought, anyway.

[her avoidance of that topic will only make it more obvious to him anyway.

but still, he listens. and it becomes clear that her "irritation" was her investment in what velvet was doing. regardless of how magilou frames it, she had a stake in this too, considering she was fighting against the abbey and the legates—melchior was included.

he doesn't say anything, though. what happened with velvet? how deeply does this tie to magilou's ability to care?

he's gotta know.]

[she takes his silence as permission to continue]

And when I call her a fool, she really was a fool. I mean, we both had reasons to hate the Shepherd and the Abbey. Hate its absolute control, its restriction of freedom, and how it touted "purity" and "the good of the many over the suffering of the few" as the absolute moral standard for everyone in the world. But I didn't care enough to fight the world to tear it down-- not like she did. Actually caring about anything never really got me anywhere, after all.

[leans forward, resting her elbow on her knee and her chin in her palm]

People say that pure, unadulterated hatred is a bad thing. People say that anger and rage can burn a person to cinders if they aren't careful. I thought it'd eventually become too much for her, and that fire she nursed in her heart would die.

But it didn't.

[. . .]

I suppose that anger gave her purpose. It gave her drive. It gave her the power to change the world. But most importantly, it gave her the ability to live, undaunted by the ugliness in people's hearts.

It made her much stronger than Magillanica ever was.

[she doesn't say it. maybe she doesn't have to, with what her words imply. the sentiment is unsaid, but still there, in the crooks and crannies of her story]

[I really admired her]

She sounds pretty amazing.

[magilou doesn't have to say it. akira understands—and this time? it's not something to call her out directly for. the implications read loud and clear.

magilou wouldn't make that comparison especially, if she didn't have a good reason.

akira knows that.

so he pauses to process that all a bit more, leaning back where he sits and closing his eyes.]

Most people aren't that strong. It's a lot easier to give in to hatred and bitterness until it a consumes them than to harness it or fight against it.

[is there a story there? of course there is, but the thought of akechi comes to mind and for a moment, his expression sours. he was like that—and it destroyed him in the end.]

[ah. there's a story there. and he owes her after this-- she files away the question for when it's her turn]

. . . she was everything the Abbey hated. Anger and ugliness and selfishness all wrapped up into one prickly ball of barbs and needles. They called her the Lord of Calamity, and preached the evils of her ways to everyone in the world.

Maybe that's why she was the best person in the world to actually fight against them.

[she sighs. brushes at her bangs with one hand]

I suppose I thought-- well. If something as "evil" as hatred and anger could inspire someone to free the world like she did, then maybe. . .

[living-- actually living, and not just going through the motions like she had for so many years-- was actually worth it]

Maybe a little pain isn't so bad. After all, pain like hers is proof that someone is alive. Without it, I guess all you get is Magillanica, who broke and then gave up in the face of adversity without even trying.

Doesn't that, on its own... show that you can care quite a bit?

[even if it took her a long time to get there. he can process the meaning of that story—but he's not really sure how he'd ever take away from it that magilou isn't capable of caring.

clearly, she is. so very clearly, and it feels like from this, he's learned that velvet gave her inspiration to want to break the chains she'd put herself in and learn to feel properly and live properly again, instead of being completely apathetic.

...unless there's more. he'll wait for more if there is, but this seems pretty plainly obvious to him, as is.]

Hey-- have you ever tried to move your leg after sitting on it for a very long time? Pins and needles!! It's torture!

[there's a metaphor, here]

It's a slow process.

[he gets the metaphor.]

But the best way to get rid of the pin and needles is to deal with it head-on. Slam your foot into the ground and bear it, get the blood flowing again.

Yeah, why don't you try it sometime and see how that works for you?

[:T!]

Anyway, I'm done! [an ending without fanfare] Which means it's your turn to talk.

[he's not exactly looking forward to this, but he's not the type to go back on his end of a bargain. magilou was incredibly fair and honest with him—

and akira definitely feels like he understands magilou better now, so there's no much he can do but comply, he thinks.]

As promised. What do you want to know?

[there are MANY THINGS she wants to ask, including what the real source of that fire in his heart is, and what his own experiences are with people who let their anger and hatred devour them instead of using it to change the world. but he can probably predict what she's going for first]

Personas. Masks.

Cough it up, bucko. I've been dying to know!

[he can predict it, and it's the easiest to answer.]

For us... Personas are an ability. A way to harness our true selves. They're not spirits, or summons, but something that exists within us, something we have to accept, and when we make those contracts with ourselves, they bestow us power.

[to put it simply.] Haru... she and I both had that ability.

[he's not sure he can explain it better, he's not good at that, but.] The masks are literal. Masks we wore, that we had to remove in order to summon forth that power.

["remove," "literally tear off your face theatrically and sometimes with a lot of blood," same thing.]

[YEAH, DEFINITELY THE SAME THING, KURUSU]

[but that's an interesting concept. Carl Jung doesn't exist in her world so she can't quite go as deep with it, but still. the concept of "personas" wasn't completely lost on her, as a performer]

Harnessing that sort of power doesn't sound easy for the faint of heart. [which he and Haru obviously were not, she knew that much] It isn't always easy for a person to face themselves.

What sort of power does it give you? Something similar to my artes?

[like setting things on fire]

I think others probably exist, but I've only ever known of nine of us that can do it.

[and of course, it's complicated—but it should tell her what she needs to know about how strong their hearts are.

still, he nods.]

Haru's gave her power over Psychokinesis. Mine, innately, are Curse skills.

["innately."]

...I'm a little different than Haru, though. And most others.

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